Failure is an option

Way back in September I was grading papers and noticed that Tyler was a bit behind in his work.

This is not surprising as it is a problem that Tyler struggles with all the time.

So, I gave him a plan, and told him to stick to it.

Then, I checked his work again, only to discover that he was even further behind.  A massive “fuss” (AKA “lecture”) ensued about “accountability to self” and “responsibility to stay on task” etc.  And about how when you go out in the “real” world no-one is going to be babysitting you to make sure you get your work done.

I’m actually getting really good at this particular monologue, as (I mentioned it before) we have to go through it every year.

I was about to step into “babysitter” mode, when Tyler stopped me and said,

“Mom, let me do this.  Let me develop my own plan to catch up.  I’ll actually create the plan and give it to you for your approval today.  And then, let me follow through.  I’m mature enough.  I can handle it.”

And, I sat there and pondered it.  Because, honestly, I didn’t think it was true.  I mean, had it been true, we wouldn’t be in the predicament now, right?

Yet, there is something, a pivotal moment, which I think many of us miss.

Failure IS an option.

Many of us remove that option.  And, sad to say, I suspect that homeschoolers are the absolute worst offenders.  Because there is the fear of how that would reflect upon the parent / teacher.

At this juncture, I would like to point out that previously I would have never given Tyler this option.  However, he mentioned something that I suspect he’s about to embark upon:

“maturity”.

So, I gave him the opportunity.

He came to me with a plan within the day, and I okayed it.

It had him being caught up with his work (without much fuss) by Thanksgiving.  It was certainly a much lighter sentence than I would have given him, but it was his plan and it was workable.

And, as I don’t have to show his work to anyone till the end of the year, I’m not obsessed over this being done ASAP.  Additionally, since it was his first plan, it made sense to me to let it be somewhat lenient.

Yesterday, I checked up on his work.

He’s even further behind.

Now, here’s a secret. 

I didn’t expect him to succeed.  (Isn’t that horrible?)

Of course, he failed a little more “successively” than I had “hoped”. . .

But maybe you didn’t catch something I said earlier:  he’s embarking on maturity.

embark (v.) – to set out upon a venture.

And I like to throw life-lessons at my kiddoes right at the get-go.

We are about to have another “discussion” and I will go into the strictest of “babysitting” modes.

I suspect that at some point within the year he will fall behind in school again.  I also expect that he will again ask to be allowed to create and follow-through on his own catch-up plan.

And I will allow this to happen.

Because, while failure is an option I know that it will become an option he doesn’t want to deal with again.