I think full-on panic has finally settled in. I keep telling myself it’s probably a good thing. . .but I still don’t like it!
I recall a time when one of my teachers was in tears, at the end of the year due to poor evaluations. In tears! I found it so odd, as this particular instructor had not chosen the curricula, hadn’t even looked at the book till the day prior to school. The rest of the year was in complete catch-up mode, and it showed.
Based on that alone, I’m a bit concerned. I tend to be something like 97% less emotional than the rest of female society (totally made-up statistic). . .but I’m putting a ton of myself into this course. Shoot, I’m even writing a portion of it! I keep telling myself that should students not like the curricula that’s just tough. . .I certainly never liked any of the curricula I was given in school. But, in all honesty, I think that would be a hard pill to swallow. (‘Course, so is my daily vitamin, which I think was created with hippos in mind, and I always manage to get that down.)
Additionally, I would like my students to “have fun”, because I personally believe things stick with you better if you enjoy them. (Not to mention, class is more fun for the instructor if the students appear to want to be there.)
Let me ask you, when was the last time you thought economics or personal finance was “fun”? Learning about spreadsheets??
Yeah, I’m kinda screwed from the get-go!
Oh, and there’s that. I tend to talk exactly as I think. . .some people get offended by that. I don’t imagine any of the teens will. I think they will “get” me. It’s their parents. . .
My other, and larger, source of panic-induced stress is time. At this point in time, I have 1 week done. Just one week!!! I need to get 30 weeks done before school starts. I think I have 45 days remaining. A lot of school classes that I’ve taught in the past I could fiddle with as we went along. This one needs to be essentially complete before the start with only minor adjustments allowed as needed.
I have been working on it! Honest! You have no idea how much time I have spent on this! I finally have a rough outline to go on, in my head. So, one would think I could just “rock-on” and get it done. I wish it would go that fast!
So, I find myself sitting here griping, rather than getting work done, because I’m stressed and can’t think clearly. I know what needs to be done, but somehow need to motivate myself into actually doing it.
One would think the promise of no-stress would be enough; however, I strongly suspect I’ll be stressing the entire year.
I need to “get out of myself”. This course is not for me; it is for the students. It is not for my enjoyment or personal satisfaction or pat-on-the-back self-congratulations. It is for the students to learn valuable skills and obtain a sound knowledge set. If I can keep that in mind, if I can remember who the focus is on, then everything will fall into place.
Or, it won’t, and I will only be able to say that I tried my best.
And, maybe I’ll learn something from the experience.