Mastering Mothering

You know, just when you get this mothering thing figured out, you suddenly get thrown a new curve ball.

Truly!  How many of us were perfect mothers. . .and then were blessed with our first child?!

And, just when you thought you had that figured out, along comes child number two, and you realize that Apples and PCs are much more similar than the children you’ve been given.

Then, there is the whole ages and stages thing.  (I’ve only had one gender to deal with as a mother, so I’ve been given a reprieve on many levels.)

Each successive stage / level presents its own set of unique challenges.  Even if the challenges are similar to some your peers may be facing; they also are very individualized.  Each time you are forced to stretch your horizons and extend your boundaries, and, at some point within the mess, pull your hair out and scream.

Then, your child becomes an adult and you feel like you are done.  But, you aren’t!  And in some ways I feel it is the greatest challenge of all.

Because you are called upon to be an advisor, not a parent.  And that’s a huge difference!

Worse, in my epiphany on the matter yesterday, I realized you need to be a PASSIVE advisor, not an active one.

WOW!  I mean, that struck me hard yesterday, and I’m still grappling with what it means to be “passive”.

Because “passive” means, I do nothing until I am ASKED for help or guidance.  NOTHING!  I could see the “train” start to wobble on its track, and I must sit there and keep my mouth shut.  Like, seriously, keep my mouth SHUT.

And that’s important, for my young men need to feel that they have a support system IN THE BACKGROUND, and they need to know that I have faith in their abilities (whether or not I do).  And THEY need to live up to that faith, of their own accord.

They may stumble and falter; we all do.  But those unsteady steps, just as in toddlerhood, are an important time of growth that they need to do on their own.

So, here I sit.  The passive advisor.  Quietly twiddling my thumbs (and wanting to scream and pull my hair out).

This entry was posted in family.

One comment on “Mastering Mothering

  1. Corli says:

    SO yes. Thank you for that.

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